Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! We are heading out to my Uncle's house in Garfield for thanksgiving dinner, taking my Grandpa with us!

I've really disliked the whole 'say one thing you are thankful for everyday' thing thats been happening this month. I didn't even get it at first, then someone told me it was for thanksgiving. Its nice to see what people are thankful for, but ultimately I don't like to see it quite so much...

That being said, I'm really thankful that my Aunt and Uncle live so close now, I get to see my little cousin Braydon Dale a lot more. Still not enough, but that is mostly because I'm a damned hermit.

I don't go see my Grandpa enough either, not practically at all. Its hard for me, to see him like he is now. I just imagine what it would be like if I was in his situation and someone video taped what I had become and sent the tape back in time and had me watch it while I was in my 20s or 30s. I just don't think I could imagine it. I think my grandpa from when I grew up would be really upset to find out how things have turned out for him. I love him, and he deserves better from me, its just so upsetting for me to see him. :-( thats selfish talk though.

I mentioned last blog that I officially got that position I applied for. I'm still really psyched to get started. My start date has been pushed back until January 1st though. Some health issues for one of my co-workers came up and between that and having 3 trainees at one time, they decided to keep me around to weather the holiday storms.

I am so freaking frustrated with the way Football has turned out this year. I don't want to go into too many details, but I would like to say that even though things weren't happening fast, and even though we didn't have the wins there yet, I liked the direction things were going with our last coach. Our new coach, its too early to say, but his first year has been a year I'd like to forget... forever burn it from my mind.

We had a really great visit with Samantha's sister Tossie and her baby Mathias. I took them back to southern idaho over the weekend. I just about teared up when I had to say goodbye to my little nephew. He was so much fun, even at 7 mo old. I miss having a baby around the house and frankly I didn't realize just how much I missed it until we had one hang out for a couple of weeks.

I've been starting to be less excited about the prospect of more children, which is probably weird for some of you to hear. I've been baby crazy all my life, but with my kids getting older and myself getting older, I just wasn't feeling it as strongly as before. Now that I've gotten to spend some time with Mathias, I know that desire for more children is still there.

Tossie was fun to have around too, she likes to play board games so we broke out some cool ones.

The leak finally got fixed, the holes in the wall have been covered, the shower surround has been replaced. The heater in the living room was fixed, the dryer is still broken and one of the two electrical problems hasn't been fixed yet to my knowledge. Either way, some progress has been made.

Well, crap. I better get to bed. Need to finish making my Raspberry Jello/Cream Cheese thing in the morning before we pick up my grandpa and head out.

Loving my new phone, HTC One X, I'll never go back to apple again. Down with the iPhone! Android forever!


Sunday, November 11, 2012

One Soda, a Baby and a brand new shiny Job

Until last night I hadn't had a soda since early June. I wanted to see what it would be like to take something out of my diet that I knew was bad for me, and I wanted to see if I could do it.

Well, I did it, and I saw the results. Last night I wanted to see something different. I wanted to see what it would be like to go back. Not on some kind of soda bender, just one soda and I wanted to see what impact it would have on me.

I didn't commit myself to giving up soda for my whole life, so I don't feel bad that I drank a soda. I don't feel like I "fell off the wagon" and I don't feel like I gave into temptation. I want to be able to have all these things I want to eat and drink, i just want to not need them, I want to be able to eat right and eat healthy and at times have these other things that I know aren't so healthy for me.

After the first few weeks I noticed some pretty serious changes. My insomnia started to lessen a bit, quite a bit at times. My weight stopped fluctuating so much, it hasn't really helped me lose weight, but it doesn't go up and down like it used to.

Ultimately over the course of 5 months I gave up more than just soda, I gave up caffeine as well. That wasn't the initial intention, but I had coffee sometime in late june and it completely destroyed me. I couldn't sleep well into the night. It felt so much more potent, and I thought that while useful, it shouldn't be a regular thing. So in the past 5 months I've had (before last night) no soda except for what was in a few mixed drinks at a bar. I've had two coffee's, I've seriously reduced my intake of high fructose corn syrup, I drink a ton of juice now (I generally pick 100% juices, and I do my best to stay away from things with high fructose corn syrup as a main ingredient).

Its been good, I really feel like I did well beyond my expectations.

So I bought myself a code red mountain dew yesterday, I think I drank it right around 2pm. I really enjoyed it and I didn't feel any different about my test. I made sure to try this test on a weekend because I knew I would probably pick something with caffeine  Turns out that was a good idea because I am writing this at 5am on Sunday morning and I am still completely wired. I'm honestly contemplating watching the last four episodes of the final season of Entourage before I go to bed.

I think my 5 month long test is finally over. I'm going to continue to not drink soda very often, thats just the way I want to live now. I will from time to time, but its not going to be an every day, every week or even an every month kind of thing, its going to be rare and its going to be because I want to, not because its there or because I crave it.

The next change will be even harder, but we're already making progress on it. We've been trying to grocery shop better, and make more dinners at home. Its been working out some of the time, we've definitely reduced the amount of dinners we go out to eat for, but I want to take it a step further and its going to be difficult. I've been eating fast food pretty much on a weekly basis since I was a kid when my mom first started working 2-3 jobs at a time to pay for my spoiled ass.

We've made progress but I need to break that cycle. Need.

Here is where I throw out a whole bunch of confident statements like "i'm going to accomplish this" "no problem" "I won't fail" "nothing can stop me" ultimately I feel like I stand no chance on this one, I feel like I can't commit to this. That doesn't diminish the fact that I need this to happen. I'm going to try, and I think the chances are great that I will fail. but I will try again, and even if I fail again and will try harder and eventually I know that I can break this.

I want to be healthy for myself, for my fiancee, for my children, for my whole family. But the most important reason I want to be healthy is: I hope to have Grandchildren someday, I hope to have Great Grandchildren too. I want to know them, I want to be in their lives, and I can't do that if I die young, I can't do that if I become so unhealthy that I am just a burden on them.

With that as a goal... I can't fail, because when I fail this I don't feel like I am failing myself, I feel like I am failing them. They don't even exist yet. I can look myself in the eyes the morning after, but if these non-existent grandchildren of mine were at my bed side, and I was dying, and missing my chance to share in their life. I just don't want to think about that, I don't want that to happen. It can not happen, I can not let it.

Now to talk about the baby in my house!

Samantha's sister Tossie and her 7 month old son Matthias are here to visit, they've been here over a week now, and will be staying another week. Originally they were going to head home today, but the roads down to Boise weren't the best, I wasn't available to drive, and we don't have our snow tires on. So the plan is next Saturday  Which is awesome, because it has been so nice to have a baby around the house again, and Tossie too ofcourse :-).

I don't think I'd changed a diaper in years, but I'm still a pro at it! And bottles and playing with him, its a ton of fun. He is a really well tempered little guy. I've posted a few pictures of the cute little booger on my facebook page.

I also wanted to mention that I accepted a new position at work. I applied for it awhile ago, interviewed awhile ago. Ultimately I was offered the job a couple of weeks ago, but there were some ups and downs with it, some changes were made and I got a new offer on friday, signed it and now I just need to find out when my first day will be.

I am officially a Shipping/Receiving Clerk in the Custom Enclosure Assembly department!

I chose this position for a very specific reason. I want to build something new, I want to make my mark, and I think I can do that in CEA, I know I can. This department is growing extremely fast and this position is brand new. When I first found out they were moving into the new building once it got built, I wrote a short proposal to a supervisor over there briefly outlining my vision for how to manage their Shipping, Receiving and Inventory. That was in December of last year.

They had the same ideas, but they weren't given the resources to actually have a position like that. So they've been making do without. I kept in touch with the supervisor about it and a few months ago they decided to essentially go around the system a bit. The need became too great for a team like this, so they started putting people to work doing it. They had to have essentially the wrong job title, but at least it was starting to form.

When I was first offered the position, there were some concerns, so I couldn't accept the offer. The supervisor went back to HR and after a couple of weeks I finally heard some great news. Because of the little situation with my offer, he was able to go back and actually get them approved to create these new positions and the new job title. After another couple of weeks, I got my new offer and that is that.

I'll be doing some things similar to what I am doing now, I will be doing some new things, and most importantly, I will be in an environment where I am not only encouraged to improve and innovate, but where it is needed. I want to build something special and that is why I'm here.

Its taken me about 40 minutes to write this so far, feels good to put the words down. I'm still wired, so I'm going to watch one more episode of entourage and then I think I might try to lay down.

Caffeine is so much more useful when you don't drink it all the time! :-)

We are entering the Holiday season soon, hope everyone has a great winter, a great Thanksgiving and a great Christmas! Maybe I'll blog again before some of that, but just in case! :-)

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Mold is totally the best...

Well, I'm going to blog now. I tried to post some of this on facebook but it failed for some reason. This seems a little easier.

So 13 days ago (on Wednesday the 17th) Samantha and I took a day off of work to catch up on our cleaning and organizing, we had a big load of stuff from storage that we needed to go through.

While cleaning I noticed a damp spot on the floor in the living room right in front of one of our book shelves.

My immediate reaction to this was "F'ing Cat!" but I smelled it and it didn't really have much of a scent, which means it wasn't the cat lol.

We explored further and it was clear that the base of the book shelf all around it was wet. We cleared things out of the way and moved the book shelf and discovered water damage on it, mold on it and mold on the floor. It was also on the next bookshelf over, which we had laying on its side to use as a shelf behind the couch.
I loved this book case...
This is where the water is on the
Carpet and the Ceiling
This was underneath the bookcase
that was on its side
This is the spot in the Ceiling, you can see a slight discoloration
a few inches to the left of it too, but we didn't notice it... yet
This was under the standing bookshelf
Good view of the underneath of both bookshelves

yeah, thats crap
This is the other one, water damage
didn't seem as bad, but it fell apart
We immediately told our Landlord, who is in China until early December. We called the person who he wanted us to contact locally if we had any issues. They came right over to check it out. They made arrangements for someone to come see it. He looked around and didn't really find anything initially. The leak wasn't happening so everything had dried out.

The contractor came back on Saturday the 20th with a couple of helpers and they pulled the carpet back and cut into the wall. They found some wetness and mold beneath the carpet and mold and a lot of dampness behind the wall. But the leak still wasn't happening and they basically wanted us to watch it and let them know when the leak happened again so they could check it out.
Ughh, the electrical outlet...

Wet paper

More wet paper


And wet paper

Water coming down the wall behind the outlet
So we waited, and waited and waited. Finally six or so days later (on Friday the 26th) it got wet. Really wet, you can see some of it up in the pics above. This also happened to be the day we arranged for a Pullman Building Inspector to come by the house. The contractor and our landlord had both indicated that they were going to close the wall up and just wait for the leak to happen in the future, but I wasn't happy with that so I wanted an independent inspector to take a look. coincidentally he came at the right time.

The inspector thinks that while it could be the plumbing it is more likely a leak coming from the roof. We have flat roofs and the timing of the leaks tend to coincide (though not perfectly) with the recent rains we'd been having.

It rained for most of the next several days, until Monday the 29th when it dried up again.The water pretty much remained constant in our living room during that time. Helene's (the people who run the condominium association) had someone take a look at the roof and he said he didn't find any leaks. So they hired a plumber to come check it out.

He came by today and did some checking and is about 99% sure that its not the plumbing. He cut a hole in the ceiling to check things out, after we noticed a new wet spot on the ceiling. Here are some pics!
A nice brand new spot to keep the old spot company


That is a hole in our ceiling

Dry plumbing, wet wood

more dry plumbing, that's my toilet over there.

kinda dirty
So, I've recommended to my landlord that we cut a hole into the wall in the upstairs bathroom so we can more conclusively determine where the water is coming from *cough*the roof*cough* sorry had something in my throat.

So we'll see where that goes.

Unfortunately the bathroom gets used quite a bit, the only shower in the place after all. Also, we have a guest coming soon. Samantha's sister and her baby! Little baby Mathias.

Anyway, good talk.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Google+ __Obviously Not__

It's always fun to have an excited sounding post claiming you are starting something new, or that you just discovered something interesting, only to be followed up months later by a post saying____ NOT

Now that the obligatory "lets refer to the last post to make this feel like a story" comment is out of the way...

I don't feel like I'm heading in the right direction anymore. I don't feel right somehow.

My divorce was rough on me, the custody battle more specifically. I came out of that fire forged anew, aggressively reforming myself into a better man and a better father.

Before I met Nicole I experienced a period of personal growth brought on by some personal things and culumnating in my getting mugged. [NOTE: I'm sure culumnating is a word, I don't think I spelled it correctly but Google Chrome is telling me its wrong and only giving me illuminating and calculating as suggestions as to what ever the fuck it thinks I was trying to say]

I felt like a new person after this, my confidence was booming and I landed myself a girlfriend, then a baby, then a wife, then another baby. I was who I needed to be when that began, I was who they needed me to be. But during the course of my marriage, I fell apart.

I take my fair share of blame for my marriage falling apart, but that's not what I'm referring to. I fell apart. I lost who I was. I didn't become someone else, I just became less, I became lost.

This all happened again, and only now am I seeing the cycle. Once Nicole left me, it was like I started to wake up again to who I had originally been on the road to becoming, and I started following that path again. Only this time I was a daddy, and that felt perfect, it felt right.

Everything I did, I did to become a better parent and a better man. I started dating, and falling in love again and things were going great.

But dating and loving someone, that isn't a relationship. And when that started, I left the path I was on for some reason. I didn't even realize it.

Now here I am, happy and unhappy at the same time. Making the people around me happy and unhappy too. Things are good, but they are the same. I'm no longer evolving, our lives are no longer evolving. I've been sitting idle for 3 years just trying to hold my life together instead of progressing it.

I used to say that I want to be the Perfect Man and the Perfect Father, and I used to follow that up by indicating that I know that attaining perfection is impossible, it's striving for that perfection that matters most. The Journey.

I don't try for that anymore, I don't try to be better, I don't improve, I don't change.

Frankly I'm ashamed of that. The people in my life deserve better than that. I have to be better. Every day, I have to become better, do better, think better.

I need to stop living in a fog.

I don't want to exist anymore, everyone does that. I want to live.


and.... END SCENE


Well that felt a little dramatic. That was from the heart though. I felt something in my heart, but I didn't know what it was so I sat down like I used to and wrote myself a blog. Took the things I couldn't see in my own heart and wrote them down, or typed them out, or whatever.

Now I feel better. But now things are different. Now that I know how I'm feeling, I need to fix this. Maybe that is why I don't blog anymore. Some people don't see themselves unless they look into a mirror. I think that is what I blog does for me. Maybe I stopped my personal growth, and didn't want to look myself in the eye anymore.

It's time to stare that bastard down and tell him whats what.

Oh, and I'm growing a beard again, just thought you might be wondering ;-)

Monday, April 16, 2012


Finally trying out some Google+, its more interesting than I thought it would be.

I was going to write an actual blog but then I wasted all my time on setting up Google+, now it's 2 am and I'm actually tired lol. I suppose I should go to bed.

Oh yeah, not sure if I mentioned this yet but I have to get glasses. I've kind of known my vision was starting to go bad for awhile now but I have been reluctant to admit it. Well, I got shingles last year (holy shit that was fucked up, literally FUBAR all over the left side of my head and face) and it got really close to my eye, so it was a big concern. I'm fine, but it did lead to some eye doctor appointments which confirmed that I should probably already be wearing glasses.

So after spending some time, i picked out a pair that I think I can live with. I think I will really like them, but it will be hard to get used to wearing them all the time. I will post pics when I have them, which should be sometime this week!

Also, last time I checked I was down a total of 38 pounds! Yay for me! I can't explain the weight loss though, I'm not exercising or dieting at the moment, but if I can lose weight just by being pissed off, then I can't wait until I actually start trying!

I'm fairly exhausted at the moment so I best get to bed. Check me out on Google+ alright?

Sunday, April 8, 2012

I'm a believer

A believer in the fact that its totally lame that its been since May of last year since I last wrote a blog.

Now that that is out of the way, time to get my blog on. My week alone is coming to a close, no fiancee, no kids, and nothin to do lol. I mean that too, every single thing that I always feel I don't have time to do, suddenly felt so incredibly boring.

I like my alone time, love it actually. Time alone and being alone are totally different though. I cherish my time alone, but I also cherish the time I spend with my family. I need both, its a symbiotic relationship I suppose.

Now that the sappy stuff is out of the way... I am watching the first two Harold & Kumar movies, its been awhile, but damn their funny. I'm really looking forward to the new movie Ted (by Seth MacFarlane) and the new Adam Sandler movie That's My Boy.

You know, I had the urge to blog, which I love to do, but I can't for the life of me remember what I was going to blog about. Probably something important.

Work is going kind of rough at the moment. Only because I like to stir things up a bit. Not that I'm trying to cause problems, the opposite really, prevent them, fix them, improve things. I can't turn it off and when people just want everything to stay the same, things can start to get a little rough.

I was always good at arguing and getting what I want out of conversation, but since my divorce its been like I'm a Force of Nature. Unstoppable. No matter how hard you try, I will get what I think is right done. I will see it through to the end.

I know that sounds cocky, and you're damn right it is. I'm a confident egomaniac with a cocky attitude I suppose. Its not a facade, its just how I have to be. I'm not always right, no one can be, and if you can convince me I am wrong, I admit it right away. But what my custody battle taught me is that you can't second guess yourself, you cant think it maybes, sure there is always room for you to be wrong, but for now you need to put your faith in your beliefs, put your heart behind your own ideas and ideals, put the full force of your will behind your own voice and opinions. Sure, you might be wrong sometimes, but if you're constantly second guessing yourself, constantly unsure of yourself, then you're never right.

If you're reading this, you may be one of the people from my past that has read a majority of my blogs as they were written. More than likely you are not though, more than likely this is one of the first of my blogs you are reading. So just a quick bit of info to explain the above paragraph: Most of my blog took place during a horrendous custody battle for my two boys. My wife left us and moved away, I raised the boys by myself for awhile and then the custody battle started. Our families are up here, practically no one is down where she lives. I am more responsible and less selfish than she is, so I naturally felt that I should be the primary parent. But I wasn't sure what was right, she's not a bad mother, she loves our boys too. Everything in me knew that what was best for the boys was to stay up here, but I second guessed myself constantly. One day I just knew that the only way I could win would be to start owning my own ideas, to back my thoughts and actions 100%.

And now I still do this. Sometimes its not the best way to handle things.

Well, its 1:30, I wanted to write more and maybe I will in a separate blog another day. Hopefully not in another damn year though, this shit is practically therapy for me!

Happy Easter Everyone!