Sunday, December 20, 2009

Yes Ladies, I Dance.

Well well well, here we are again at long last. Just you and me, the reader and the writer together again. At Last. At Long Last. Ok, moments over.

I miss writing so much, I just dont get the bug to do it much lately. I used to blog a ton, tapering off here and there, but never like the last 6 months. I kind of feel like I started living my life more, really stepping forward.

Could you say I was a patient man? No, but I survived lol. I was a nervous wreck. I guess I might not be being specific enough, but what Im talking about is my actions and attitude after Nicole left me.

I was obviously an emotional wreck, but part of me knew I would be and part of me knew how to handle it. There was no way around it being hard, there was no way around all the hurt. But there was a way to go through all of it and not just come out the otherside feeling used and abused.

I came out the other side on top. I came out guns blazing, and so far so good.

I don't have the right temperament for the way I currently make decisions and take actions, but I think that is why it is working. Ive taken very slow and deliberate steps forward, and I keep taking them. Emotionally and Socially, with my work and my education.

Is everything in my life perfect? No and if it was, what would I have to strive for. Even if I felt that way it wouldn't be true, but I would stay that way instead of getting better.

Did I mention how good it feels to be writing again. Hell I havent put much thought into this blog, but just sitting here typing again inspires me to write on.

Ok, down to something I am very proud of. Its not just a clever title, yes I went dancing for the first time.

I went out drinking with Samantha and her family. Samantha's grandma passed away, so we were all out on the town celebrating her life.

The night I met Samantha back in June, I got really drunk. I had like 6 or 7 Long Island Ice Tea's and two shots of Tequila (yes, I had a hangover the next day, but didnt get sick).

Apparently I was a pretty smooth talker, even while hammered, I guess the way I act while drunk makes me even cuter or something. Anyway, I flirted with her all night, and I even very smoothly kissed her right in front of everyone!

My point is, while I dont quite trust alcohol, I know I would have been too 'Up in my Head' to do any of that, EVER.

Well alcohol did it again, when we were out drinking last month I got just drunk enough to not only get over myself and get on the dance floor, but I got drunk enough to want to do it, to do it alot, and supposedly to do it pretty well. Dancing that is, I dont recall much of the night, but I remember having A LOT of fun.

I dont think I could dance again without a few drinks in my though, Im still the same nervous overthinking spaz you all know and love. But strip me down to the basics and you'll have a hard time keeping up with me.

Then I went dancing again, but this time it was in a class learning some kind of West Coast ballroom stuff. Im not really sure what it was exactly, but it was difficult and fun. I tell you right now I hated it for the first 10 min. I didnt know enough yet to jump into the middle of what they were working on, but what sold me is how much the guy and girl teaching the class not only answered my questions, but loved them, they seemed to really appreciate how interested in getting it right I was being.

Im hoping to learn more!

I looked over my last blog and I talked about my grandma a bit, and her birthday. Its come and gone now, it was a difficult day. I did alright until I had lunch with my mom and then I couldn't get my mind off of it so I went home early.

My mom was a wreck, just a couple of days later she was cleaning her house and she heard a loud crash from the dining room. She had inherited a large nice wooden cabinet and all of my Grandma's crystal. The sound was the little tabs that hold up shelves breaking and the top two shelves full of crystal falling down onto all the other Crystal. about 60% of it all broke. :-(

My mom freaked, she said it felt like losing my Grandma all over again. She called me in tears, I felt so bad for her. I found out she joined a Grief counceling group that has really been helping her. This christmas will be really hard though.

I put the boys on an airplane to Phoenix today, they are spending this christmas with their mom, they will come back on the 3rd of January. Samantha is out of town too she and her sister rode the bus home yesterday, her sis will be gone for 3 weeks, but I am bringing Samantha back up here with me after I go down to southern idaho to spend Christmas weekend with her and her family.

I was feeling kind of down and kind of lonely, but hey, now that I've had a chance to talk to all of you, Im feeling a lot better!

I hope everyone is having a happy holidays!