Thursday, May 7, 2009

What I intend to Say at my Grandma's Funeral

Just in case I can't get through this, I decided to write out a statment. I had thought about just coming up here and winging it, "speaking from the heart" I would call it, or I had thought to write just a list of bullets with the most important things listed on it.

My Grandma was very special to me, she was very special to alot of us. So something I can just look at and read to you makes the most sense to me, because there are some very important things I would like to share with everyone. And yes, everything I've said so far was printed on this paper, even the parts about me printing this on paper.

I feel like I have a unique perspective when it comes to my Grandma. I look around the room and I see a lot of people from generations that came before mine, and I know there were a lot of hard things that happened early in my grandma's life.

You look back and you'll see a lot of good things and a lot of bad things. But I say that my perspective is unique because when I look back, I see that the many good things in my life outnumber the very few bad things.

There is clearly a difference, and I trace that difference to one single choice a very brave woman made so many years ago. A choice that changed my life and so many other lives forever.

My Grandma was an alcoholic, and the courage she showed in fighting that disease has always inspired me in life. I can not properly put into words just how much love and respect I have for both of my grandparents.

Now, before I start to cry very much, if I haven't already, I am going to switch subjects. I want to talk about how even some of those things that were bad gave my grandma more strength, to inspire and lead our family and friends.

When I was four years old, my grandma was in a horrible accident. I was in the back of a truck, that had gotten stuck going up a hill, while my mom and grandma were looking under it to see what the problem was, it rolled backwards and hurt my grandma.

Technically, I dont remember this, though I do remember part of that day. I remember my Uncle Bill holding me, walking away from the accident, telling me not to look.

That day led us to this day.

My Grandma was strong, the strongest person Ive ever known. Her reslience through all of her injuries and illnesses is another source of inspiration.

She was always in pain, but to me she never felt crippled because she remained so capable. She would never allow us to help her, you had to force yourself into her way to get her to stop, and even that would only work half the time.

My Grandma was a very judgemental person, part of her charm. But one thing that I always noted was that while she was so critical, she cared. No matter what she thought of your choices, she loved you unconditionally.

I would also like to note that she was very stubborn, and that has proven to be a family trait.

Ill miss her:

I have felt a loss of a presence so great that I dont know how to fill that void in my life. I miss my grandma so much.

She helped raise me, she helped form my outlook on life and family. She encouraged me in anything I did. She supported my decisions, but wasnt afraid to take me down a peg or two.

The best blessing to come from my divorce is that it brought me back home with my boys Jadon and Tristan. She became such a huge part of their lives like I had always hoped for.

I remember the very first time she saw Jadon, her very first great grandbaby. She completely ignored me! I was completely taken off guard! But I cant tell you the happiness I felt seeing her hold one of my children for the first time, and Ive felt that same happiness for every moment they have gotten to spend with her.

I Love You Grandma, and I miss you so much, I feel so lost without you here with us.

And I was crying to much to write anymore.

1 comment:

  1. TK:
    Jason this is beautiful!!! Your words spoke to so many people who loved her and I know I cried like a baby hearing you say them!! Anybody can tell just by reading this the unconditional love you had for Grandma and anyone who ever met her knew the unconditional love she had for you and your boys!!! I know for me just thinking about how strong she was will help me get through tough times! And I know it will help you too!! I love you and your boys and I know she may be gone but she will live forever in our hearts and the hearts of all her family and friends!!!