Saturday, February 7, 2009

Cry Havoc

Time really feels weird right now, there are things that feel like they are winding down, while other things are just now winding up ready to get started.

Im starting to feel like an entire era to my life is ending and a new one beginning. Just a bit over two weeks and russ heads over to Baltimore, he does about 3 1/2 months worth of training and then he moves on to his final destintation in June. But with that much training he will pretty much be gone before then, hopefully I'll get to chill with his wife and kids during that time a bit, get our kids a little more 'cousin time' before its gone.

We hung out, played some games tonight. Its harder now that we're older, it used to be no problem for us to stay up all night gaming, hanging out and stuff. We would go through a case of Mt Dew, go to dissmores and buy a bunch of stuff to make ourselves some tacos at 2 o'clock in the morning.

But at the same time so much new is happening. School is just on the horizon, theres a new girl in my life that Im feeling really excited about.

We're having our first date on Valentines Day, its going to be a lot of fun! Its weird, but I already feel like we're on the same page somehow. We'll see how things go, but like I said, I have a good feeling about her. :)

On a more somber note, my grandma doesn't seem to be doing very well. She has been in the hospital for nearly 3 1/2 weeks now, she has had three seperate surgeries, and technically she is in recovery. Earlier today (friday) I got a call from my mom, according to the doctor she is 'slipping in and out of a comatose state' they've had to almost completely remove all forms of medication. As she was starting to improve my mom had me talk to her on the phone, my mom had to hold the phone for her and she only got 2-3 words out. 

Nothing strikes me deeper than knowing how much pain my grandma is in, how much she means to so much of us. Supposedly she will be fine, but it sounds like she will go through immediate withdrawels once the drugs are fully out of her system. Also, without the drugs, she will be in immense pain as well.

I still vividly remember getting a call from my mom nearly seven years ago, I had just found out I was going to have a baby, and suddenly my grandma had a very serious heart attack. I remember the tears I cried that night, very suddenly one of the most important people in my life became even more important because she was going to not just be my grandmother, but the great grandmother to  my children. Thinking that my boys might grow up not having even know their great grandmother was so horrifying a thought... I feel like I can't properly explain, but I am certain whoever is reading this can fully understand.

I remember taking Jadon to see her in the hospital, he was so little, sitting on her bed eating grapes with her, something they still enjoy doing together today. Because she is alive and because she has been in my boys lives, they will always remember her now, but now it feels like it will hurt that much more when she is gone, I know it will happen, for her and for all of us, but I don't belive it is somethign I could ever accept or truly be prepared for.

Another brief memory I wanted to share. I remember when my grandma was in heart surgery, it was one of the most intense waiting room visits in my life. It was the first, and I believe only time that I've ever seen tears in my grandpa's eyes. I can't tell you how that effected me. My grandpa is my superman.

Well, I think this blogs getting a little too intense, so Im going to end it for now. But I know with all my heart that I will be sharing many more happy memories with my grandma, and I will cherish every one of them.


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