I really wish this weekend would be just One Day Longer (as the title of the blog suggests). Im going to go to bed soon after I write this, hopefully I sleep all right, but lately Ive been waking up sporadically at night, having lots of dreams as well. I didn't really feel that my date on saturday night (valentine's day) went well. I wanted it to go well, but I really got the feeling once it started that she wasn't interested at all. I've never been the best at reading women, so I accept that I could be wrong. She said she was shy beforehand, and she had a long night before our date, so I know she was shy and tired and such, but she barely even looked in my direction, and it seemed like neither one of us had much of anything to say. Anyway, we'll see what Monday brings. Its come time to write my proposal to my employer for school. I need to lay out an education plan and projected costs associated with it, and I need to essentially write a very convincing essay on why I should receive the benefit and how it will benefit the company. My confidence level is high, but it feels pretty hefty knowing just how much relies on how they like the proposal. It will be the difference between whether I can go to school or not in the next couple of years. Statistics also seem to lean in my favor in this, they said the education benefit has only been denied to one applicant in its entire history, and they indicated that was a very extreme circumstance. Im starting to feel a lot better, lately I have been in kind of a funk, I think mostly over my Grandma's situation, after I saw her in person and held her hand, part of me just fell apart. She seems to be doing quite a bit better now.
Time really feels weird right now, there are things that feel like they are winding down, while other things are just now winding up ready to get started. Im starting to feel like an entire era to my life is ending and a new one beginning. Just a bit over two weeks and russ heads over to Baltimore, he does about 3 1/2 months worth of training and then he moves on to his final destintation in June. But with that much training he will pretty much be gone before then, hopefully I'll get to chill with his wife and kids during that time a bit, get our kids a little more 'cousin time' before its gone. We hung out, played some games tonight. Its harder now that we're older, it used to be no problem for us to stay up all night gaming, hanging out and stuff. We would go through a case of Mt Dew, go to dissmores and buy a bunch of stuff to make ourselves some tacos at 2 o'clock in the morning. But at the same time so much new is happening. School is just on the horizon, theres a new girl in my life that Im feeling really excited about. We're having our first date on Valentines Day, its going to be a lot of fun! Its weird, but I already feel like we're on the same page somehow. We'll see how things go, but like I said, I have a good feeling about her. :) On a more somber note, my grandma doesn't seem to be doing very well. She has been in the hospital for nearly 3 1/2 weeks now, she has had three seperate surgeries, and technically she is in recovery. Earlier today (friday) I got a call from my mom, according to the doctor she is 'slipping in and out of a comatose state' they've had to almost completely remove all forms of medication. As she was starting to improve my mom had me talk to her on the phone, my mom had to hold the phone for her and she only got 2-3 words out. Nothing strikes me deeper than knowing how much pain my grandma is in, how much she means to so much of us. Supposedly she will be fine, but it sounds like she will go through immediate withdrawels once the drugs are fully out of her system. Also, without the drugs, she will be in immense pain as well. I still vividly remember getting a call from my mom nearly seven years ago, I had just found out I was going to have a baby, and suddenly my grandma had a very serious heart attack. I remember the tears I cried that night, very suddenly one of the most important people in my life became even more important because she was going to not just be my grandmother, but the great grandmother to my children. Thinking that my boys might grow up not having even know their great grandmother was so horrifying a thought... I feel like I can't properly explain, but I am certain whoever is reading this can fully understand. I remember taking Jadon to see her in the hospital, he was so little, sitting on her bed eating grapes with her, something they still enjoy doing together today. Because she is alive and because she has been in my boys lives, they will always remember her now, but now it feels like it will hurt that much more when she is gone, I know it will happen, for her and for all of us, but I don't belive it is somethign I could ever accept or truly be prepared for. Another brief memory I wanted to share. I remember when my grandma was in heart surgery, it was one of the most intense waiting room visits in my life. It was the first, and I believe only time that I've ever seen tears in my grandpa's eyes. I can't tell you how that effected me. My grandpa is my superman. Well, I think this blogs getting a little too intense, so Im going to end it for now. But I know with all my heart that I will be sharing many more happy memories with my grandma, and I will cherish every one of them. Love Jason
So before I talk about the Super Bowl, I just want to get this out of the way. I've been talking to an advisor and I officially applied for school. Super Bowl Time. Honestly, this was a Damn Good Super Bowl! I was rooting for the Cardinals, I've been a huge Kurt Warner fan since he led the Rams to the Super Bowl in 2001. For being such an underdog the Cardinals really played some awesome football tonight. Not only did they have a good chance of winning this game, I could arguably say that They Lost It. What i mean by that is, if it wasn't for their mistakes they would have won. The steelers are a huge huge scoring team, and when you look at the numbers, would they have done quite as well without the cardinals giving them so many yards? Considering how close the game was, one could say that the Interception at the end of the first half was nothing more than a play of Destiny. Obviously its effect on the outcome of the game are plain, but its damn great football really. Thats going to be a highlight they show for years to come. By the time the cardinals were in the lead with 3 minutes left I thought they had it in the bag. With the steelers having a long way to go and only One offensive Touchdown under their belt it didnt really seem too likely they would pull it off. The last 5 minutes of this game were just plain amazing. Even though the Cards didn't win, it was still a lot of fun to watch and hopefully they can refine some more, tone down their mistakes and come back even Stronger next year. Im getting the feeling that Warner might not be back and even if he is, I doubt he will start nearly as much. I hope I'm wrong because Warner is a PIMP (I wouldnt be suprised if they made a movie based on his life). Lets just hope that Leinart is ready to go, I think he has the potential to be a great Pro QB, and I feel that he suffered from being put into the lime light too early, what ever happened to letting your QB's ripen and mature before you make them your starter? Anyway, I'll keep you all updated on the school stuff as it happens. Later All