Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Baby Step your way out of a Rut

Interesting title for the blog, as soon as I wrote it I thought WOW that would be a great title for a book. Not one I plan to write though lol. Then again, maybe if that 'Rut' your stuck in is a horrid divorce then perhaps I've already written the guide to surviving it? I should go over this blogs roots again and see if I can make it a divorcee survivalist guide or something.

I know its only been a couple of days since the last blog I wrote. Im never sure if I will write one again soon or if I will wait a month or two. Its really when I catch the buy to sit down and write it.

I fear I don't really have as many readers as I used to, even some of my regulars have dropped off. Its sad to me to think about that, but understandable. I essentially write about the same BS over and over and over again. Especially now that my divorce is over, its almost like the saying about going from War to Peace. I don't recall the exact words and I think there are a lot of different quotes about this, but essentially I fought that bloody war for so long that now that there is Peace I just don't know what to do with myself. The war ofcourse meaning my divorce and a war within myself. There were many grim truths I had to face about myself during that struggle and I am sure there are many more struggles to come.

I've been relatively out of commission the last couple of days. I went on the date with Heather on Saturday and by that evening I wasn't feeling too hot, most of Sunday and Monday I was so out of it from a fever that I barely got out of bed. Today it was more manageable though and at the moment I am feeling pretty damn good.

I really am not sure what to do with myself though. I have so many hopes and dreams and while I seem fairly content to just sit on them, in these moments that I have to myself I know that there is something greater that I should be doing with my life, for myself and for my children.

I applied for a few jobs today, one of them is at SEL and it would be a step up the ladder I would say. Not precisely a promotion though. I've recieved a lot of encouragement to persue this position but I was hesitant as I feel somewhat obligated to stay where I am for a certain amount of time. I do like what I am doing now, and I would be content here for some time if necessary.

The other job I applied for I wont really talk about unless it goes somewhere. Its kind of a long shot and even if it was offered I would have to give serious thought to taking it, as it is quite far away.

I've also taking one more step towards my education, a step I did not make the last time I talked about wanting to go down this path. I've contacted WSU and Edmonds Community College and I've gotten set up with an Advisor to help me get going in the right direction finally.

Sometimes I think that Im my own worst enemy. I dont let myself do anything and I esspecially dont open myself up to all the people I could have let be a part of my life.

I've been thinking about a friend of mine recently. One I havent spoken to awhile, one I dont expect to speak to again. She is the only regret I hold in this life.

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