Friday, January 30, 2009

Grandma Update & Superbowl

I just wanted to give everyone a brief update on my grandma. As I mentioned in a previous blog, she went into the hospital on Wednesday night of last week due to some complications with a nasty infection and some other issues. They found out it was all caused by this large growth next to or on one of her ovaries or something.

Well they did surgery on friday and managed to correct a lot of issues caused by it, but because of where they entered at they werent able to get the growth out, Im not too sure what was up, something about having to keep her under for another several hours (dangerous) and her muscles tightening.

So they did some good, but it wasn't over. They gave the opinion that that growth is most likely not cancer ( and I gave my opinion of what I think of them giving an opinion when they should just be giving us facts ).

Well, the following Monday (earlier this week) I guess they did another surgery or something, I didnt hear much about this one. She was supposed to go home after that and schedule a surgery for when the specialist was next available or something.

Well they decided she was too weak to leave the hospital, so she is still in the hospital. She has another surgery this coming monday and they will be correcting some major issues and removing the growth. After that they suggested that she would need to remain in the hospital at least 6-10 more days to recover.

I just spoke to her, she sounds like she is doing pretty well.

Well, I hope everyone has a good Superbowl Weekend, I am rooting for the Kurt-Warner-Show, sometimes known as the Cardinals. Going over to my friend Amandas house to chill out and watch the game.



I've mentioned Fringe a few times in my blog, its a TV show, I like it. The last couple episodes I havent seen much of the overall plot line though, which is the opposite of what I expected.

One problem I had with last weeks episode was, they built this guy up as a regular and fairly ominous antagonist in the show, then in one fell swoop they reveal who he is and then kill him off. Now, it was a good episode, but I just feel that they should have spread that out more, have her find out who he really is and then deal with it in a few episodes.

This weeks episode was good, though the part with the little girl and the laptop came out ok, I was pretty on edge thinking the worst!

So I still have hopes for Fringe, it is good, but at times its not quite as good as I was hoping.

Now, Lost is good. or Goo OOO OOd. Its had its ups and downs, but overall its been an amazing show and season five is up there as one of the best Seasons yet, even rivaling the excitement of the first season, which I am sure no one thought was possible. Last nights episode in particular was very exciting and revealed some serious Shizit.

Anyway, just wanted to write something. Talk to ya later YO

-J. Jordan Bishop the First
hells yeah

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Baby Step your way out of a Rut

Interesting title for the blog, as soon as I wrote it I thought WOW that would be a great title for a book. Not one I plan to write though lol. Then again, maybe if that 'Rut' your stuck in is a horrid divorce then perhaps I've already written the guide to surviving it? I should go over this blogs roots again and see if I can make it a divorcee survivalist guide or something.

I know its only been a couple of days since the last blog I wrote. Im never sure if I will write one again soon or if I will wait a month or two. Its really when I catch the buy to sit down and write it.

I fear I don't really have as many readers as I used to, even some of my regulars have dropped off. Its sad to me to think about that, but understandable. I essentially write about the same BS over and over and over again. Especially now that my divorce is over, its almost like the saying about going from War to Peace. I don't recall the exact words and I think there are a lot of different quotes about this, but essentially I fought that bloody war for so long that now that there is Peace I just don't know what to do with myself. The war ofcourse meaning my divorce and a war within myself. There were many grim truths I had to face about myself during that struggle and I am sure there are many more struggles to come.

I've been relatively out of commission the last couple of days. I went on the date with Heather on Saturday and by that evening I wasn't feeling too hot, most of Sunday and Monday I was so out of it from a fever that I barely got out of bed. Today it was more manageable though and at the moment I am feeling pretty damn good.

I really am not sure what to do with myself though. I have so many hopes and dreams and while I seem fairly content to just sit on them, in these moments that I have to myself I know that there is something greater that I should be doing with my life, for myself and for my children.

I applied for a few jobs today, one of them is at SEL and it would be a step up the ladder I would say. Not precisely a promotion though. I've recieved a lot of encouragement to persue this position but I was hesitant as I feel somewhat obligated to stay where I am for a certain amount of time. I do like what I am doing now, and I would be content here for some time if necessary.

The other job I applied for I wont really talk about unless it goes somewhere. Its kind of a long shot and even if it was offered I would have to give serious thought to taking it, as it is quite far away.

I've also taking one more step towards my education, a step I did not make the last time I talked about wanting to go down this path. I've contacted WSU and Edmonds Community College and I've gotten set up with an Advisor to help me get going in the right direction finally.

Sometimes I think that Im my own worst enemy. I dont let myself do anything and I esspecially dont open myself up to all the people I could have let be a part of my life.

I've been thinking about a friend of mine recently. One I havent spoken to awhile, one I dont expect to speak to again. She is the only regret I hold in this life.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Afraid to Learn, Afraid to Grow

Hello everyone!

I had my third date with Heather today. We went out and got some coffee earlier. I felt a lot less nervous then I had in the past, which is great.

I had a lot of fun talking with her today, but a few pieces of information came out that got me thinking quite a bit. First of all, it sounds like she is probably going on dates with other people as well, totally normal I suppose, but not exactly what I wanted to hear.

What got me thinking was when she was talking about taking dating slowly and casually and not really thinking about commitment at all at this point. That all sounds great, and very reasonable considering how recent her divorce is.

In many ways that attitude is exactly what I am looking for right now, but when I said above "That all sounds great", well, what I really mean is that it all sounds great as a Starting Point.

As I've mentioned many times in my blog, I didn't date before my marriage, so its very new to me. So far in my experience there are three types of women.

1) Women who are as baby crazy as me and even when they say they want to be careful and take things slow, they are just as reckless as I know that I am capable of.

2) Women who really truly wish to be careful, take things slow.

3) Women who either don't know what they want, or can't decide between the freedom of dating and having fun, and the responsibility of marriage and being a parent.

The first option is the most dangerous to myself as I am fairly baby crazy. There is no doubt in my mind that in the next few years I want to be married again and have more children.

But with my divorce, I know I need to take things slow, one step at a time and make sure I get things right this time. So in essence I really want to just date someone casually, take things slow. But a part of me needs to know that it has the potential to go somewhere after that phase, and I think that is what is bothering me most, I don't know if there will be anything beyond casual dating with Heather.

Like I've said, I really do like her and I would like to find out where this can go. The problem is, to a certain degree I need some level of commitment to feel comfortable, and casually dating more than one person at a time, while there is nothing wrong with that, isn't compatible with my interests I suppose. Not exactly sure how to say that really.

I would say that way of thinking is as much a blessing as a curse to me. Im not saying that I have to marry my next girlfriend and have babies with her, if things dont go all the way it won't be wasted time, if something doesn't work out, thats fine, at least we took it slow and found out before we jumped into something more intense, or brought kids into the equation.

What I am trying to say is, I want to find the person that I want to be with, and want to find a person to share my life with and have more children with, and while I know that my next girlfriend may not be that person, the only reason I can date her is literally to find out if she is or is not that person. So Im not mincing words here, there needs to be the possability for marriage and children, or there is nothing at all to work with.

Maybe I am just plain crazy, and if I am, comment and tell me so lol.

Either way, things with Heather are right where they should be, Im just wishing I knew where they potentially could be in the future.

Alright, I know you've been reading a bit already if you've gotten to this point, but so far everything I typed is just EXTRA, time for me to get to the source of my title.

I've mentioned going back to school in my blog before. And some of the times I've mentioned it, Ive done so with a lot of confidence and goals and personal expectactions and so forth. Well, nothing has happened yet. I gather information, then I put it aside and do nothing with it.

I put school off for a long time but once I decided to go orignally I just did it. I put a call into the school I picked, went in a week or so later, applied and the following quarter I was going to school full time. But as things in my life started spinning a little bit more out of control I started taking breaks from school as life was impacting my grades a bit, or I was letting it impact my grades at least.

Divorce happened and school was put on hold. Which is for the best for certain.

A lot has changed, now I am a single parent and it has been much more challenging than I realized. Much more rewarding at times too. I feel like I made be afraid to take on too much, knowing that I already feel like I am not doing things as well as I would like to be.

I can't tell you how important education is to me and I feel like I have failed myself in regards to it.

Sometimes I very much wish I had someone to hold my hand and walk me through all of this. That just isn't the case though, and its time for me to get this done. I've taken a few more steps in what is hopefully the right direction though.

I could lay out a 5 year plan for you right here right now:
-Get Married
-start planning the expansion of my family (BABIES)
-Complete, or have near completion, a bachelors degree

but lets just keep this simple and make a smaller goal:
-to enroll and start school for the summer or fall of 2009

If I can reach that goal, I can start thinking about the rest. The same with the getting married goal. I can't make getting married and having babies my goal, I just need to keep that earmarked for the future and not try to force it.

My goal right now needs to be just to date someone, get to know them.

One thing that I am still trying to learn is that, you can't decide your own future, you can only plan for it and make the best of it when it gets here. Sometimes things turn out as you planned and sometimes they don't.

Anyway, it is 4:30 in the morning and I feel like I am getting a cold or something, so with that, Im signing off.


Saturday, January 24, 2009


Hey all, just wanted to post a quick update. First I would like to say that my Grandma got really sick due to a really bad infection, she went to the hospital and the found a rather large tumor that grew onto her ovary. She went through surgery earlier today, Im kind of out of the main loop, it sounds like the surgery went ok but they weren't able to remove the tumor yet (though the doctor said he is now 'pretty sure' that its not cancer). They have to conduct another surgery and do some things I'd rather not mention in my blog, and hopefully they will remove the tumor at that time and do a biopsy on it or whatever and determine if it is cancer or not (as I don't really accept it when a doctor says he is 'pretty sure', oh sir is it possibly correct that in your professional opinion you may or may not be certain that my grandmother does or does not have cancer)

The Cub Scout Pinewood Derby happened tonight and it was a whole TON OF FUN! All the boys seemed to have a GREAT time! Jadon won first place in our Den (just out of our 5 little scouts, they all did great!) and it seemed like he was a contender for the top 4 in the pack, though he didn't come away with a trophy this year. He sounds like he wants to take it up a notch next year and try and bring home a trophy.

Siblings got to compete a little as well, they had a side race that was just the little brothers and sister. I let Tristan use the car that I made back in the 3rd grade (holy crap, 20 years ago) and he was really excited to participate and he can't wait to build his own next year.

I have that quick Coffee date tomorrow, not really sure what to expect, but I am feeling pretty good and I am hoping for the best!

As a final note, my friend Russ just got two job offers from a company based out of Baltimore. He may be moving there, or he may just end up there for 4 months for training and then he could end up pretty much anywhere in the US, well, anywhere major. He thinks that if he goes that route that they will try to keep him closer to home, so we are hoping for Seattle, Bellingham, Portland, and I think I heard that even Spokane might be an option. Though I doubt it anytime this year.

Im not going to say we stopped being friends for awhile, but he and I went through kind of a rough patch for a few years, mostly during my marriage to Nicole (though that was coincidental lol). He and I have been friends since the 3rd grade and I find it strange that we came back together just in time to help each other through some pretty tough issues. A lot has happened to the both of us in the last 3 years, and it seems to me that things are finally starting to swing our ways again.

Good Luck My Friend.

Monday, January 19, 2009

have you Scene It!

So I've been over to play games with some friends a few times in thelast week. Aside from some of the normal games we play (like Settlersof Catan and Munchkin) we broke out some stuff we got for Christmas.

SCENE IT! Id played the original a few times awhile back and knew itwas awesome. Now between my friends and I we have the newest version ofScene It! and we have the Disney, Harry Potter and Friends editionstoo. We went ahead and tried them all!!

Scene It! is a fun game, I am glad I finally got to try out my SceneIt! Friends edition. There are really only a couple of people that Ithought might play this with me and neither of them are in my lifeanymore (one of them is not 'allowed' to play games with me either, godI love how jealous my ex-wife's boyfriend is). It was actually prettysick though, I dominated them pretty badly. They've seen most orperhaps all of Friends, but nothing near the level that I have gone towith it lol.

Speaking of games, I am hoping to have a couple friends over thiscoming weekend to play some Wii and have dinner. Should be fun, haven'tfinalized if it will happen this weekend yet or not.

Not to get all serious all of a sudden, but Im feeling really lonely. Iwas alone (relationship wise) until I was 21 years old. I didn't reallymake the time for it when I was younger, and the mad flirting skills Ihave now were non-existent back then (lol). It is for lack of tryingfor certain, and I am sure i could run off a massive list of reasonswhy, but honestly I was probably just scared.

Suddenly I get married and have a family, still no experience dating atall ofcourse lol. What I think I miss the most about being married isthat I had someone, and I was comfortable, I didnt feel the pressure offinding someone, or anything like that. Not that I ever felt likeNicole accepted me for who I was at all.

I kind of dated someone semi-regularly back in early 2007, but Ifreaked out once feelings got in the open. Then I officially starteddating after my divorce was finalized in early 2008. I still remembermy first date after that, I went out with Bre in CDA, I was so nervous,I was stuttering (which I almost never do), I was really shy. I was atotal mess. I had fun and I hope she did too, but still, I didn't feelready to be going out.

The next date I had went about the same, was a month or so later. ThenI jumped in too deep with someone that was way long distance that I hadmet through a old high school friend.

I went on a date with a really nice girl in Spokane about 3-4 monthsago, and then in December I went on my first date with Heather, then wehad our 2nd date 2 weeks later.

I felt like every time I got more comfortable and got better at datingin general. But when I go out with Heather its like my first date withBre all over again, I'm not doing quite as bad, but Im definitely notputting my best foot forward.

I dont want to jump into anything too quick, and I don't want to scaresomeone off because I am either way too nervous, or way too serious. Imean, I want to be dating someone, and having fun with them and takingthings slowly and carefully. But at the same time I always have on mymind that I want to keep things moving forward and I always rememberthat I do want to be married again, and I do want to have more childrenand I dont want my boys to be in High School or beyond when those newlittle bundles of Joy come along.

I mean, its not like my biological clock is ticking or anything, but Iwould like things to be planned out and done in a timely mannerregardless.

Its made even harder by the fact that a lot of the people I hang outwith are a 'couple' so I tend to be the odd man out, and sometimes Ijust plain feel out of place doing things with a couple. 

Anyway, I will, as always, keep my blog up to date on my datingsituation lol. Im not even really sure who, if anybody, reads itanymore. I know that I do! lol

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A New Book, Dating and a Not So Perfect Dad

Heather and I went on our 2nd date, this time we went to Thai Ginger (the first date was Lunch at Quiznos). I think it went pretty well, I had thought of all sorts of things to talk about but got to less than half of them because I was so nervous I kept forgetting things I wanted to talk about. Not to exaggerate, Im not being overtly nervous, possibly enough to be noticeable, but I definitly felt like it was effecting my memory in regards to what to talk about and caused me to be silent more ofthen than I should have been.

Or maybe I am just overanalyzing my own performance. I had fun and I think she did as well, we mentioned some ideas for a future date, we hugged and parted ways at the end of the evening. Even with as much dating as I have done over the past 10 months or so, I don't feel like I know how to do it, esspecially beyond this point (the 2nd date).

Im not looking to rush ahead into anything, but at the same time I don't want to neglect the situation accidently. I want to spend more time with her if we are going to keep this going, which I want to do, but I really don't know how to read her yet. I am not really sure if she is still interested or not, I think she is, I hope she is. I really want to break us out of the normal date situation because I think I would psych myself out less and be more comfortable.

We'll see if a third date comes out of it, I am confident, but I feel like I am standing confident amidst a thick fog, vision is low.

Like I said, I think Im just psyching myself out. Its just a third date, we'll see if it happens, and if it does happen Im sure things will go fine. I hope so because I really do like her and I would like to keep getting to know her.

On to the next subject!

I am reading a book called 'Imperium' by Robert Harris. I was intending on reading this book and one other book at the same time, but I've had a hard time putting this one down so I will just keep on with it and read them one at a time.

This book has been amazing so far. It happens around 50 bc and follows the main character Cicero. The events are semi-ficitonalized, but it is based on real events, starring real people. Cicero was a famed Roman Senator and exceptionally popular Orator. He lived during the time of Julias Caesar. The story is told from the perspective of Cicero's slave Tiro, also based on a real character. Aside from being a Roman Senator, Cicero was essentially a Lawyer. The first half of the book led up to what I can only say is the birth of modern Courtroom Dramas, it was amazing, and the fact that it really happened (if not in the way described in the book) is even more amazing. Many of Cicero's Speeches (of which there were tons) are still available (probably in Greek and Latin) today to be read.

Anyway, it is very well written so far and I would highly recommend it to anyone. This is the 2nd book by this author I have read. The first book I talked about awhile ago and was called Fatherland. It was a good book, but not nearly as good as this one. Fatherland followed a German Detective in the late 1960s in an alternate reality where Germany managed to retain most if not all of the areas it conquered during World War Two. The story followed the Detective as he unravels a coverup that goes all the way up to Hitler.

Ok and on the last, but most important note: Being a single parent is hard, I still don't feel fully prepared to be doing this and I am not sure if I will ever feel that way. I feel like I am failing the boys, and I feel like I am not always trying my hardest.

Scouts is a good example, no one know more than my regular readers just how much I was looking forward to putting my kids in cubscouts. Even going so far as to counting down the last 18 months or so until Jadon was eligible.

Unfortunatly I didn't realize how much of it would rest on my shoulders. I knew it was all about parent/son participation, and I was prepared for that, but I wasn't prepared to be the leader of our Den, that was never part of the plan and I am just not pulling it off the way it needs to be done.

On an upside, I think things are starting to come together better and it really feels like we are becoming more motivated and organized as a group.

We are working on Jadon's Pinewood Derby Car at the moment. We finalized the design yesterday and I finished cutting it out last night. Today Jadon, with my assistance, sanded it down in places, making it smooth and also working on the design a bit more. Tonight I sprayed a black primer on it and tomorrow Jadon will paint it. It gets Weighed on Thursday at the scout meeting.

Anyway, the main thing I am failing at as a parent is the education of my children. To top that off I feel like I failed myself in that same regard, I never ever understood why education was so important, why good study habits were so important or any of that.

I've spoken about Jadon's Struggles with reading and writing and tonight I came to the conclusion that he has fallen behind far more than I had previously realized. He was completely unable to spell any of the spelling words I needed him to spell for practice and I have to say that it frustrated me quite a bit.

He doesnt understand basic concepts that he has been learning since the beginning of the school year, and even has issues with concepts he has been struggling with since Kindergarten. At times I've felt like he has done better, but he hasn't maintained a consistent pattern.

I am very dissapointed with myself for not accepting this sooner. With how lax we were with education during the coarse of the divorce and how obviously summer and even two week breaks set him back.

He is reading below his level, and any time he switches to a different font he seems to have new troubles. He is stil swapping B's and D's regularly. He already has proven to be more socially oriented and less worried about academics.

Its time for a change, and not at school (though I readily admit that the school system is far from perfect and only increases in ridiculousness as you progress through it. A college degree may have been useful, but going to high school was bullshit, it was a travesty).

Its time for a change at home. As we were practicing his spelling words (of which he could spell none) I suddenly realized just how little I was actually doing and just how bad the situation had gotten. I would say I had an epiphany, and I started ranting about it aloud with such intensity that I almost upset Jadon. I tend to be very strict and very hard on the boys about being responsible and it has made them somewhat sensitive to my... speeches?

But fortunatly Jadon wasn't just listening to the tone of my voice, which was intense, he was also listening to the content of my words and he understood quickly what I was talkiing about and not long after we started, he seemed to be on board 100% with what we were doing.

I intend to practice with the boys every single week night, reading and writing. They already read nearly every night, esspecially Jadon, he brings 5-10 books per night home and reads them all each night (taking approximatly 30 min.), so mostly the writing. We will practice Spelling the words, pronouncing the words, writing the words. We will practice lots of related things as well. Accomplishing things, and working hard in this will earn the boys time to spend on special activities, like playing video games. Jadon, despite being tired, stayed up an extra hour past his bedtime tonight to word on our new way of doing things as he became very enthusiastic about it.

The main thing is I hope to instill a better study habit in both the boys. Something I never had. And the main reason, and the main theme which Jadon and I talked about, is instilling in the boys the importance of reading and writing, and doing it well. I railed off a list of things Jadon can't do right now simply because he doesn't know how to read and I indicated to him that reading is the only thing standing in his way. He actually got very excited and I think that we are on the right track.

I hate that I've allowed us to fall so far behind and I hate that despite knowing how flawed our school systems are, I put so much faith in it. Tristan does not have the same struggles as Jadon, but he will be in an identicle system at home.

I already feel that Jadon has shown progress, just in the time we spent the first night. One thing I did to change things up, I took the eraser off of Jadon's Pencil. He was shocked actually, but I was so tired of seeing him fumble through something, see that it was wrong (or have it pointed out to him) and then erase and fix it. It has been a long standing rule in my house that for homework we don't erase mistakes, but it hasn't been maintainned because he obviously does so at school. Which i have no cntrol over. But its important to be able to look back and see what you have done wrong and I feel like Jadon understood what I was trying to do and I feel like he understood that its ok to make mistakes, as long as you acknowledge them and learn from them. Another important concept I have always tried to instill in them and I am hoping to translate into our new Study program.

Anyway, thats enough for now, I will talk about progress and specifics once we get a week or two into it.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Books and Women

Welcome to 2009! This will be my first post of the year, and my 135th post overall.

I am very proud of myself at the moment because I just finished a book I have been reading for probably about six months now. That a ridiculous amount of time to spend reading a single book in my opinion. In my defense I did read several other novels during that same time period.

The book in question was called Persian Fire, I actually loved the book quite a bit, but the information in it was just so dense at times that I generally only read a few pages before putting it back down.

Because I felt my reading had stagnated a bit during that time, I am making up for it by starting two new books at the same time today. The first is a piece of Historical Fiction by Robert Harris, the book it titled 'Imperium' and it is about the Ancient Roman Senator Cicero. He was a wildly popular Senator and world famous orator during the time of Julius Caesar. While based on truth, it is a fictional representation.

The other book I am starting is called 'American Lion' by Jon Meacham. This book is fairly new and is currently very popular. It is a biography of Andrew Jackson. If anyone were to ever look at my Amazon Wish List, you would see I have recently added quite a collection of books based on American History, something I have finally gained an almost rabid interest in.

Four books I currently own that are on my list to read in the near future are: 'Rubicon' by Tom Holland, 'The Harsh Cry of the Heron' by Lian Hearn, 'Heaven's Net is Wide' by Lian Hearn and 'The Looking Glass Wars' by Frank Beddor. And I have lots of ideas for books beyond that as well.

Well I hope everyone had a great Christmas and a Happy New Year! I also hope that the weather isn't keeping you too down. I was stuck at home on Monday (thats yesterday as of the time I am writing this). Our road never got plowed and I saw four seperate cars get stuck right in front of my townhouse. School had been cancelled, so I wasn't too worried.

The Pinewood Derby is coming up in a couple of weeks. It is a cubscout activity in which you build a small model car out of wood, then you get to take it in and race it. I still have all of my Pinewood Derby cars from when I was a kid and I am super excited to do this activity with Jadon and our other scouts.

On the love life side of things, there is a girl at work named Heather. We don't work directly together ever and she and I hadn't really had much of a chance to talk, but there seemed to be a mutual interest. We've just recently went on an extensive lunch date that turned out great and this weekend we have dinner planned. Things fee like they are going pretty well.

Having been on very few official 2nd dates since starting to date again, I am really starting to be concerned that I am not sure how to proceed. Advice is always helpful! For instance, I am not really sure how to approach becoming more affectionate at first, like hugging and so forth. Those of you who know me pretty well probably remember that it can take me a little bit to loosen up (if I ever do!).

I just want to make sure that I don't become my own worst enemy when I approach this, and I hope I am able to let myself read the signs correctly and know what is right and when. You know?

Anyway,  I am off to bed now.