Tuesday, October 21, 2008

something is bothering me

I have a really weird feeling, Ive only had it for maybe an hour so far, but its really bothering me.

Last week was hell, I think I was really sick the whole week or something, with a fever maybe? I didnt sleep well I felt very out of it, the whole week is a blur. I came back to work today and I had forgotten some of my passwords and stuff, very unlike me.

Fortunately I was better by the weekend. Crystal and I went on our first date, it was a lot of fun. We actually went out to eat at Cyrus O'learys which I haven't been to since I was a kid. She was even more amazing in person than I had imagined, which is really nice. It looks like we will definitly be having a 2nd date, looks like it will be in about 4 weeks or so.

Russ gave his seal of approval as well. Yet another time that he meets a girl I am going out with right before a first date... lol

He was going to be up in Spokane all weekend so we decided to carpool, we stayed at his parents place and I hung out with him the rest of the weekend. He was playing in a tournament and the timing ended up being just right, so I played in it too, very fun weekend overall.

I didnt get a lot of sleep but I felt like a million dollars when I woke up this morning. Felt like that most of the day, even after some crap went down at the end of my shift, I still felt great.

Then about an hour ago that changed. Some things I've been thinking about finally got to me I guess. Concern is what I would call it. I'm getting older, Im a father, things are really starting to click, but then I look to my past and its all falling away. The older generations are not doing so hot.

My grandparents aren't in the best of health, the house they rent was just sold and they have to move.

My great grandma is in the hospital again, this time they don't know what is wrong with her, she is so weak she can barely move and had to be hospitalized. hopefully we will know more tommorrow.

I feel sad, but something else I feel as well as time goes on, I feel as if a torch has been passed on to me.

Anyway, Im going to go to bed. Little earlier than ussual, not really sure what the morning will bring.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Misunderstandings of Men and Giants

Well, our first Cub Scout Den Meeting went off great. It was a lot of fun and we also had brownies to celebrate Jadon's birthday. All the boys, including the siblings, had a ton of fun and they all got along really well.

I am beat, I am up way too late, but I finally sat down and did a little writing. The story is pretty short, but I didn't expect it to be very long either. Its based on a strange dream I had a few nights ago, but it felt really good to get it down on paper.

Jadon's birthday party today went awesome. It was a mexican food themed Potluck, quite a few people came out for it and it was a lot of fun. Lots of great food. I was really happy to be able to show everyone my new apartment and I feel like its ready for me to start inviting company over finally.

I'm never going to get it perfect, and I'll probably always be working on it in some way. Aside from a few things upstairs it really is pretty much done. Once I go through all of my pictures Ill be putting some more stuff on the walls so they don't look so barren.

I would really like to play more games, Russ came over last night and we played a new game that was a lot of fun. He and I, and his wife as well, tend to play slightly geekier games though, not really geeky, but I guess I mean that they aren't mainstream games like Monopoly, Risk, Clue or whatever Milton Bradley had pooped out lately. Games like Memoir 44, Axis and Allies, Carcosone, Munchkin, Settlers of Catan and many many others that we've tried or that are on our list to try.

The suprising thing is, they came over not that long ago and we sat down and played a fun game of Scrabble. At first it felt weird, because it wasn't the kind of game we normally play.

Anyway, I just want to have fun, have friends, play games and watch movies you know?

Its wierd, for a long time I wasn't a very social person. Once you're around me long enough that becomes more clear as well, Im sure I have lots of habits or whatnot that indicate just how much of a loner I can be at times. And that includes my massive intrest in Hobbies and Collecting things.

As I grew to adult hood a lot changed. I found myself with a group of friends for the first time, but I felt like my social growth got severely stunted when I met Nicole and I pretty much didnt have friends for 4 years of my life.

Being a single parent has really brought a lot of social parts of me out that were dormant before. I just feel as though I have grown a lot as a person, and as a parent.

Also, it feels really strange to say it, but I feel more alive then ever before. I feel Younger then ever before as well. When you are just coming out of your teenage years you have this strange feeling of being grown up, then in my case the real responsiblities hit and you just feel under preassure and the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. But there is something different about my life now, and while I still have many responsiblities, I feel very much in control of my life now. I feel like I am finally living my life again.

Oh and along that line of thought, I've got a date this Saturday with Crystal, the girl I mentioned in one of my recent blogs. Its our first date and we're both very excited!

Well, Im coming down fast, its time for me to get some sleep. I wanted to share the story I wrote with all of you though, please read it and comment. Its just a first draft, I havent done any editing at all, and I may not, I just feel good that I finally really wrote something. Its pretty short, only about 3 pages in word.

I've always wanted to be a writer and I don't need encouragement in that regard, I need honestly. So if you're going to comment (which I would encourage everyone to comment on this blog) then just please be honest. Thanks!

Peace Out All

Love Jason

Misunderstandings of Men and Giants

By: Jason Bishop

Erik’s mother beckoned him to approach the front of the room, her eyes still damp with tears. Silently Erik approached, surrounded by countless friends and family. At the front he turned to take in those he loved, he cleared his throat, “I am here today to tell you an amazing tale, a tale about a little boy and his Giant.”

Pausing for a moment he glanced at his mother, wiping a tear from her cheek, she nodded for him to continue. Erik, turning back towards his audience, “This boy was always so afraid; Then one day he met a Giant…”

Separated from his mother and lost in the woods, little Erik was afraid. He had strayed too far from home and now did not know the way back. At every turn he could hear the life around him, every howl of the wind or rustling leaf echoing in his thoughts, manifesting itself as wolves and bears and every other danger he could imagine.

Scared he began to run, losing himself even more deeply in the woods, fear driving him. As the sun rose to a peak in the sky Erik knew he had been gone for only a short time, but to him it already felt as if it had been hours. Remembering what his mother had told him, he decided to find a spot and stay put hoping that she would find him soon enough.

As he sat there, listening intently to the horrid sounds of nature around him, he could not help but think that he had caused all of this himself. His mother was probably worried sick and he was too scared to find his way back home to her.

The sun had begun to fall, its warmth hidden by the trees. Erik knew enough to know that the woods weren’t the best place for a little boy to spend the night. His mother had told him to stay put if he ever got lost, but that fear he felt deep in his heart told him otherwise.

As he stood to try once again to find his way, he heard something new amongst the many deceiving sounds around him. The howls of the wind had died down, yet he could still hear the rustling of leaves behind him. Not even turning to see what was behind him, Erik ran. Dashing in and out of trees he could hear something large lumbering behind him.

Scared out of his mind he began screaming for his mother, tears streaming down his face. Not even watching where he was running or how desperately lost he was becoming, Erik’s foot caught a hidden tree root underneath the brush. Losing his balance, Erik tumbled forward hitting his head hard on the ground.

Dazed, Erik lay there for a moment before rolling over to see the dark shape approach. At first Erik felt relief, a man he thought, of course. Then he noticed the man’s sheer size, “A Giant!” Erik thought before his vision darkened.

Hours later Erik woke to find himself lying on a very soft pile of leaves with the darkness of night surrounding him. He did not know how he knew this, but he knew that he was even deeper into the forest than ever before. Feeling very dazed, he felt his brow, a cloth bandage had been tightly wrapped around his head where he had hit it.

Looking around he noticed a small fire dying down a few feat away. Watching the shadows from the fire dance on all the trees around him was mesmerizing. Feeling a chill he approached the fire. Within moments he remembered what he had seen right before falling unconscious.

A Giant? Myth of course, but he was certain it had been too tall and wide to be just a man. At first his mind raced, had his vision been real? Then his young mind began to work through what must have happened. Whoever or whatever it had been had brought him here and bandaged his head.

Noting something hanging over the fire, Erik could suddenly smell the cooking meat of what he could only imagine was once a rabbit. Too hungry to complain he took the spit away from the fire and began blowing on the meat to help it cool. Much too hungry to wait, he burnt himself on the first few bites.

He could feel the exhaustion in his body from a day of being anxious, lost and running like a loon. Realizing he was more lost than ever, he still laughed at his own anxiety. Eating the delicious meal that had been left for him, the darkness of the night finally began to penetrate his thoughts.

Feeling very alone, he sat down next to the heat of the fire and rolled himself tight. Listening careful to the sounds of the wilderness around him, he could hear nothing. No wind, no animals, just the crackling of the fire at his side.

A hoot from an owl broke the silence, golden eyes moving about from tree to tree. Suddenly the night was far from silent. Erik could hear life all around him. When he had been lost earlier in the day, these noises scared him to death, strangely now they were a comfort.

Enthralled by the majestic nature of the life all around him, he did not hear the approaching footsteps. A voice from the darkness in front of him, “Are you no longer afraid?”, startled Erik looked up but his gaze could not pierce the darkness of the forest.

Scared, Erik remained silent, staring in the direction the voice had come from. The deep voice continued “You’ve seem to have gotten yourself very lost in my woods.”

Still too afraid to speak, Erik nodded his agreement. “Where are you from boy?” the voice continued.

“A cottage, not far from the edge of the woods”, Erik answered “What are you to do with me Giant?” he bravely asked, his voice trembling with fear.

“Giant? I’m not that tall am I?” The Giant said as he stepped closer to the fire. His outline becoming clearer to Erik, he felt very silly. The man, covered in furs, was definitely taller than average. Realizing now that his fear had got the best of him earlier Erik laughed.

Approaching the fire, the Giant stretched out his arms to warm his hands with the heat of the flames. Erik had a much better look at him, a rugged man that clearly lived off the land.

“It seems you let your fear get the best of you. It’s too dark now, but I can help you find your way home in the morning.” Feeling very comfortable with that thought, Erik curled up next to the fire and slept. Realizing that this ‘Giant’ he had been afraid of had only been trying to help, and of course had not been a giant at all.

Waking the next morning Erik’s new friend the giant had cooked another fine piece of meat. Though Erik could not identify what kind of animal it had been. After the events of the previous day, Erik saw the whole forest in a new light.

Watching the golden rays of the morning sun bring the whole forest to life, he took it all in, no longer afraid of every sound or sight. Feeling brave Erik asked “Do you live out here?”

Realizing the change in the boy from the previous day, the giant smiled and nodded. “You took off pretty quick yesterday; I didn’t mean to startle you.”

After the giant cleaned up their camp, he beckoned for Erik to follow him. It did not take long before Erik could hear the sounds of his mother’s voice calling for him.

The Giant smiled at him “go on son, you’re mother’s been worried”, leaping off in the direction of his mother’s voice, Erik quickly found her. Jumping into her arms and hugging her tight he starting rattling off the tale of his experiences.

Setting him down, Erik’s mother looked at him, “A Giant? Erik, you didn’t spend the night in the woods, you’ve only been gone for a few hours.” Looking confused Erik turned to point out the man he had once thought was a Giant, but no one was there. He and his mother were alone.

With worry in her voice and running her hand along the bruise on Erik’s forehead she continued, “Oh my poor boy, this bump on your head must have really knocked your wits loose. I’ve been calling your name for hours.” Feeling the bump on his head, it wasn’t as bad as he had thought it was. And there was no bandage as he remembered.

They began to walk home, feeling confused at first he began to look around the forest for any sign of his savior the Giant. There was none. As they left the forest Erik let go of his mother’s hand and turned and looked at the forest. Realizing, he wasn’t afraid anymore.

“…Erik faced his fears, realizing that the giant was a part of him.” Turning from his audience, Erik placed his hand onto his father’s coffin. “I loved my father; his death makes me so afraid to see what will come next for all of us. These stories about a little boy named after me and his giant…”

Tears streaming down Eric’s face, his mother taking his hand to give him the strength he needs to finish “My father told me these stories. In my heart I know I am still afraid, but I know that I can overcome those fears, I know that I can be brave and face my fears.”

“By understanding, we can overcome. My father was my Giant, he was my Hero. And I know now more than ever he would want me to be brave. He would want us all to be brave and overcome this together.”

Embracing his mother, Erik placed his arm around hers and began to lead her out, the crowd of loved ones standing to honor his father’s memory.

Smiling, with tears still streaming down his face, he did not understand the meaning of his father’s stories about the giant until this day, but he knew in his heart that even though he was no longer with them, his father the giant would always still be standing just out of sight.

As they walked to their car to start the funeral procession, Erik look at his mother, “I am a Giant.”

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ready for a Quickie? (SAN DIEGO)

Hey, I think I am pretty sure what I want to do for my 30th birthday and after looking a few things up online Im really psyched!!

I think I want to go down and hang out in San Diego for 2 weeks with the boys! Just looking through some stuff really quick I came up with THIS list of stuff I want to check out:

San Diego Zoo
San Diego Zoo's Wild Animal Park
Legoland California
Aviation Adventures & Film Museum
Birch Aquarium at Scripps
The Firehouse Museum
Lux Art Institute
Maritime Museum of San Diego
Mingei International Museum
San Diego Air & Space Museum
San Diego Archaeological Center
San Diego Automotive Museum
San Diego Model Railroad Museum
San Diego Museum of Man
San Diego Natural History Museum
The New Children's Museum
USS Midway Museum
Whaley House Museum

Now, obviously I will have to scratch a few museum's off my list, Ill have an 8 year old and a 7 year old with me at the time after all. Im sure if I sit down and research I could probably double that list as well!

I think this sounds like a great idea, its far from home, its somewhere Ive never been, it has things Ive always wanted to do and places Ive always wanted to go. Im also excited as it will probably be 150 degrees out and you all know just how much I love the heat (note the sarcasm).

anyway, I said I was going to keep this short, so just a few more paragraphs...

I know Im only 28, and I wont be 30 for another twenty two months, but I want to do something that feels BIG, something I havent ever done before, and I want it to be something I do with my kids. I want it to be a long vacation, which is something Ive never had. The last time I can even recall taking a vacation that lasted longer than a 4 day weekend was in 1987 when I went to disney land and sight seeing for a week.

I want this to be 2 weeks long and I want it to be awesome! And like I said, I know its early, but I anticipate being poor for a few more years at least, so something this big I need to get on top of ASAP.

Any ideas, let me know. Esspecially if you've ever been there, let me know what you did and what you thought about it!