Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Soul Trapt

That's right, I'm BACK! Things are going to change rapidly for me now that I have more direct control over my life.

The struggle that was my divorce and custody battle was fierce and taxed me more than I am prepared to discuss at the moment. Only now am I able to look back and see its effect on my life as a whole and the lives of those around me.

Now more than ever do I feel it was the wisest move I could have made to remain with my family. Most of my life in the past 2 1/2 years has been on Auto-Pilot. Parts of me have felt so thoroughly out of control, which has historically been very unlike me.

I rested atop the shoulders of others while I dealt with the matter at hand. I will say no 'What Ifs' but the support I received from friends and family alike was integral to my successes.

As mentioned in previous blogs I am a strong believer in Destiny. Through all that has happened I said things about my future but the future is here, now. I feel vastly under-prepared for it.

A few weeks before my children arrived home from their summer with their mother I was suddenly struck with a realization. The realization that I mentioned above, The Future Is Now. My journey up to this point has truly come to an end and a whole new journey awaits.

I am standing here, at the base of a mountain. The peak, shrouded in mystery. I do not know what waits for me at the top of this peak, or if I will even reach those glorious heights. All that I know is that it is the journey that counts the most.

Part of me feels like such a horrible failure. I've been living with my parents for 2 1/2 years, I have a failed marriage, no college degree, I make very little money, and other than parenthood, I have wasted a majority of my life.

Another part of me feels that everything that has led up to this point was fate. My whole life did not lead up to this custody battle, though it seemed that way at first. My life has led up to this, a brand new journey. One that I suddenly feel I very much have the strength for. I feel prepared to begin the difficult climb up the side of this mountain.

Off and on I have been writing. Mostly practice stuff lately, and trying to nail down a routine (which still eludes me). Writing has been important to me for quite sometime.

I will write a book, I don't care if its the worst book on the planet and it makes an agent laugh in my face, I will finish a book.

I will re-start college, this is my next step and one that I will not be taking lightly. I will do well in school and as a result my children will do well in school. I will finish college and as a result I will set a better example for my children. I will earn a degree and find work doing something I love that will provide me with enough money to support a larger family.

I will learn Greek, and I will begin very soon. In my lifetime I will visit Greece at least once and when I do I wish to be able to speak and understand at least a little while I am there. If that goes well I will continue on by learning Italian and possibly Spanish, you can not deny the usefulness of knowing Spanish. I plan on introducing any language I learn to my children as well, hopefully going so far as to teach them the language as I learn it, or having them learn it along with me.

I will find a girl, a woman, able to really love me. Someone I can trust to really know me. Someone who wishes to live a simple life, yet one with flavor and hope. Someone who wants to sit at home and have people over and play games or watch movies. Someone who wants to go to the Ice Capads (DON'T JUDGE ME!), a musical or a play. Someone who likes to walk in the rain, or gaze up at a dark sky filled with stars. Someone who accepts and loves my boys. Someone who wishes to expand and make a big family with strong ties to one another. I guess I could keep going forever on this one sooooo... moving on.

This is the one part of my list that I think won't happen, considering my current financial situation. But I am very much giving thought to the idea of going on a vacation for 1-2 weeks in Greece for my 30th birthday with just Jadon, Tristan and Myself. July 2010 is coming up fast, 22 months. I may just have to wait a little while longer, but I wish very much to do something really really special for my 30th birthday to celebrate an important milestone. But I am thinking an 8k-9k trip is a little much at the moment lol.

Time to ground this blog a bit, Im assuming I've already lost most of my readers at this point anyway LOL.

Today was kind of rough for me. Work was fine, I was in a good mood most of the day. Not long after I picked the kids up, one delays after the next. One headache too many. I came home, which is very nice to be able to say, and I just felt so overwhelmed by this move. I couldn't organize my thoughts, I couldnt get anything done at all.

After I put the boys in bed I sat down to relax and gather my thoughts, I used the opprotunity to watch the premiere episode of a new TV show called "The Fringe".  It wasn't exactly a relaxing show, but it was awesome (which I will talk about soon enough). Suddenly I decided it was time to blog and now I feel very much myself again. Typing is my thing, as far as writing is concerned I am starting to think that I am shooting myself in the foot by starting with Fiction.

Unfortunatly it is 10:30 at night, and this blog is long as hell. I suddenly feel prepared to get some stuff done and its getting late. Well Ill just stay up for a bit and do a few things before bed.

My new apartment is working out well, I expect to have it mostly set up by the end of this weekend, but I still have more stuff to move in. Either way, I should be just about ready to have guests coming over soon.

That is something I am really looking forward to! Nothing solid yet, but I already have semi-arranged plans for several different people to come over for dinner and/or games. I am also planning on having Jadon's 7th birthday party here so that my family can all come and see whats up.

Damn, Im getting fidgity, I need to get back to work. Blog Blog Blog, I guess in a way I've already written a book, even with taking 4-5 weeks off from writing blogs from time to time I still have written an average that exceeds more than 1 blog per week since my first blog in November of 2006. This will be my 121st blog after I post it.

Alright Alright, Im done.

Peace out all,

Much Love,

Jason Bishop

1 comment:

  1. Sarah:
    You watched "Fringe" too! I watched and LOVED. Totally a new show for me this season!

    That was a great blog!! Good luck with the writing thing, it's also my passion, although I have done many stops and starts, torn pages out and thrown them away only to retrieve them later....Im weird I know, but I guess I think nothing will ever be good enough! For the most part I write philosphy and life experience, but I think some day I would like to write some kind of biography, I just like telling stories!
    Greece is an awesome place to visit, gotta watch out though, if you take the kids just remember 99% of their beaches are nude...I could be over exerating, but it's always good to play it safe, or just invest in some really good blindfolds!
    Spanish is a great language to start out on, or even Latin since it's the basis of most other languages, you have to remember to speak it often though or else you could forget alot, I took 2 years in HS and an advance class in college, went to mexico and just bearly skated by on what I knew, there are so many different dialects and slang versions of every language, I guess it just takes exposure!
    Ice Capades eh? Didn't think you had it in ya! When I was a kid I use to skate around on my parents hard wood floor with socks on pretending I was Oxana Buyyul...until I went ice skating and almost broke my ankles...I figured I better give that dream up for the time being!
    Fringe was awesome!! Kinda weird it started out with an airplane just like he did with Lost, I have a feeling I am going to like this show!! I can't wait for Lost, Heros, The Office, ER, and Pushing Daisies to start up again! I can't really watch CSI or Law and Order anymore, ever since having Ella I am SUPER sensitive toward crime and such...I guess they just make it to real! I remember going and seeing 300 and Ghost Rider when I was preggo and I was going to cry/puke/and scream at the same hasn't changed much!
    Well, I just ment to give you kudo's and wish you well with your new diggs and this turned into an essay of massive porportions...sorry! Have a good weekend!!!!! SPELL CHECK?!!? Damn everyone will see that I can't spell and type at the same time!!