Sunday, July 27, 2008

Determination and a new Direction

Several things have happened since the last time I blogged.

1) I am now 28 years old

2) I officially got a new job in a different department at SEL. I work in Shipping now.

3) Kim and I broke up

4) I found out that, due to how much Child Support I get, I make just a bit over the maximum to get Rental Assistance.

So yeah, I just found out that I won't be getting rental assistance, kind of lame. I've been having a hard time affording being a single parent without paying rent so I was assuming my qualifications for assistance were a no brainer. I guess not.

Let me try to figure out the Logic, when we were a family of 4, 2 adults and 2 children, we qualified for rental assistance and used it right up until we hit about the 38k or 40k mark. Now I am a single income parent with 2 kids, thats a family of 3, and yet the maximum amount I can make and still get assistance is 24k.

I find it highly absurd, as regardless of how I budget, if I dont find the crappiest possible apartment or the worlds best deal then I will be paying more for rent than a single paycheck can handle, more than 50% of my income will go towards rent and I don't freakin qualify for assistance.

Now, Im not angry about this in the sense that you might think I am. Yes, I am angry, but I am perfectly fine with the fact that I will not be getting this assistance. What I am pissed the fuck off about is that I have been going through this process and waiting for this to go through for over half of a freaking year. This if fucking bullshit that I have waited this god damned long for NOTHING to happen, how is it so fucking difficult to Pre-Fucking-Screen people.

Yes, I know I just said the "F" word a lot. Thats become semi-unusual for me, but I am genuinly frustrated in this situation. The advantage is that I do find the whole process and the act of getting assistance of this nature fairly degrading and demoralizing.

I've been trying to work out a future budget so that I can see what I am looking at Month to Month while paying rent and other bills. Between Rent and all my other bills, including Gas but not including Groceries, I am looking at $1500 per month. If you count child support I bring in less than $1900 on average.

Thats cutting it pretty god damned close if you ask me, but Im out of options at this point, the struggles in life are what make us who we are and I am unwilling to let such a challenge discourage me.

Unfortunatly I am not as prepared for this eventuality as I would have wanted. I imagine I will have enough money saved up to safely move out by October or November, and that brings me to the other reason this situation has totally F'ed me, and that is TIMING. Though it could be argued that I also F'ed myself in this situation, so I willingly accept part of the blame (though only grudgingly as, if a proper "PRE-FUCKING-SCREENING" process had been in place I would have planned accordingly 7 MONTHS ago). By the time I can afford to move out on my own the students will all be back in full force and that will limit my options.

As of this point all spending is on 100% lockdown. Every penny not going to a bill is going to be saved from here on out (for those of you who know me, you understand just how difficult this will be for me, if you're not already laughing hystaricaly at the concept).

Now that that is out of my system I would like to mention that my Ex-Wife Nicole is girlifying my children. I know thats not a word, but I wasn't sure how to put it. Feminanizing. Going through the Estrogenation Process. The list could go on and on, and if I wasn't refering to my children I had thought of several others that while funny, were in bad taste considering the reference.

What I mean is that they have Barbie Toothbrushes down there, watch and listen to Hannah Montana and Tristan is supposedly asking them to refer to him as Ariel (Nicole's favorite disney character). Ahh, the things kids from broken homes do to make each individual parent happy. Though if I take a broader view I dont think Nicole could do anything more to make me the cooler parent even if she tried.

I really just wanted to be funny, I don't have much of a problem with it at all, its really kind of entertaining. The issue comes from the fact that their 2 months with their mom are going to be in very sharp contrast to their 10 months with me, and I don't think thats a healthy way to conduct business.

So I wanted to mention that my new job is really kicking my ass while I get used to it. A lot more physical than my last position. I am looking into playing tennis more regularly and starting to walk (if I didnt put all expenditures on hold I would look into getting a bike).

I have started writing, slowly but surely I have been putting together some ideas and concepts for a new novel idea or it could possibly become a group of short stories or novella's on similar themes. I am currently just working on being habitual about my writing while brainstorming my content.

My reading has taken a backseat unfortunatly, I am still reading, just not as quickly as before. I have also started taking more time to play all the way through video games instead of finishing only 1/3 of them.

Also, I thought I heard a new Rage Against the Machine song on the radio the other day, but I haven't seen anything about a new single or anything similar to my knowledge. If you have any information please let me know!

Anyway, final thoughts. Ill be fine. This is one of those situations where I rise to the occasion, so its finally time to get my shit together and get something done.

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