Tuesday, April 15, 2008

You pave the road of life as you walk it....

Each of us walks a unique path in life, a way that has never been traveled before. We are all alike in so many ways, yet our paths, while intertwined, are unique.

My date last week went great. It was more than just a relief to get out and start dating again. My divorce and custody battles have weighed down on me so heavily that its hard to adjust to life starting to get back to normal finally.

Unfortunatly its not going to go anywhere, but Bre is really nice and we still chat from time to time. Its funny how you meet people, funny how our 'paths' cross. Already my path has unexpectedly crossed that of others, and I feel like I was just blind to this before.

As those of you who have read my blog may have noticed, I can be very frank and honest at times. I hope that this is one of those times, as it is time to sit down and have a commentary on my blog about dating and my related hopes and fears.

I am a simple man, with simple desires. Too simple for some I think. A family. That is what I want in life, and everything else is meant to support that.

My Divorce is all but over, just negotiating the last of the debt. I won custody of my two little boys just over a month ago now. My new life is finally starting, my ex-wife and I have been seperated for over 2 years now and with the help of a good friend of mine I am ready and willing to start dating again. Which if you read the above, I started just about a week ago.

I'm going to tell you right now, it felt great. It felt so great to sit down and talk with another adult, someone new, discuss ourselves. Now, I'm not a player or a ladies man, I have very limited dating experience (so ladies, be gentle lol), but just the fact that I can go on a date with someone and not impregnate them and then marry them... well, victory for me!! YaY!

I feel like this gives me a chance to do this right, to really be happy.

I am a very shy person, and not very experienced at dating. My one date so far went much better than I had anticipated. To a certain degree I am glad its not going beyond the first date, she is really nice and I know I would enjoy a 2nd date, but it makes me feel normal. My first girlfriend is the mother of my children, within the span of 4 months we started dating, got pregnant and go married. 6 years later, here I am.

I hope that I find some more really nice girls to take out an deat dinner with, have a little fun with, watch some movies with. Just a little light hearted and innocent dating so I can get out there and meet some really nice girls. Get to know new people and have more friends. My further hope is that one of them will be just for me, someone to possibly do things right with, share my life with.

Those are my hopes, here are my fears. I fear that women won't like me or won't want to date me because I am a single dad. The kinds of girls I generally am interested in are girls that want to have babys of their own or already do. I'm afraid that girls are going to think that just because I have kids means they would need to commit to me.

I'm a father, there is no way around that. I am not looking for someone to mother my children though, they have their mom. She lives 1500 miles away and they visit her in the summer time. I strong female presence in their life would be healthy for them, but they already have a mom.

Well, dating aside! Ijust picked up a Nintendo Wii, should be a TON of fun for the boys and I!

Oh also, I dont know if I mentioned it in a previous blog but I am intending on applying for school again. I still need to clean my loans up a bit as I let them get kind of messed up when my divorce started 2 years ago, but my work will pay for up to 2 classes at a time, so I figure there is no reason for me to wait any longer!

In May I am plannning on visiting my ex-sister-in-law so we can get our kids together before summer. I will probably head up there, but we are also considering having her come over here so we can all go to silverwood!!

Also, I am hopefully going to be meeting my Brother and Sister one weekend in May, this will be the first real time we've met (they are 18 and 15 and I last met them when they were 4 and 1), also I will hopefully see my dad again, aside from when I was a baby, this will only be the 3rd time we've ever met.

Anyway, im signing off, need some sleep before work in the morning!

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