Monday, October 1, 2007

I just want to find someone and shake them until the world makes sense

There are a couple things I have written that I've determined should only be seen by my eyes (sometimes after the fact lol), then there are the things I think that not just anyone should see, or those things that just anyone can see. This is none of the above, this is something just a few should see, somewhat because I don't think most should see my frustration. The few I am talking about include people who either have proven to put forth good solid opinions, regardless of my stance on a subject, or people who my frustration isn't about. Therefore, if you are able to read this blog, I both value your opinion and this blog is not about you lol.

As the title says, I just want to find someone and shake them until the world makes sense. Those of you who are able to read this know what I have been going through over the course of the last year, both facts and feelings. But that is about my life, the lives of the people around me though, those lives that I would consider peripheral to my own, equal in standing and importance to me, yet on the edge of my vision (as all must look foreward in their own lives), those lives have been beginning to trouble me more and more.

My family has been plagued with Alcohol and Drug problems since well before I was put into the equation. I may have spoken about how much of an impact my Grandparents alcohol recovery has had upon me, but to elaborate, I fully intend to reshape my family and push forward into a new era where principles and morals and personal responability are paramount. I am not perfect, and I dont expect my children to be, but when the time comes for my chilren to follow their friends off the edge of the proverbial bridge, I hope that they are capable of not just saying no, but justifying why to themselves and others. I hope that they are strong enough to not fight back when struck, but to stand there and show what they believe in and what they stand for, not to run, not to fight, but to stand strong and stop those that would hurt them, and others, or put them down without needing to do the same to them.

I dont believe this to be entirely about politics, but I will no doubt mention some during the course of the blog. Before I get to that though, I would like to mention that nothing makes me more sick than the thought of a loved one being hurt by child molestation or rape. As of tonight, its official, my ex-wife and my 3 closest female cousins have all had to live through said horrid activities. The first one I found out about was Nicole, she is the one I know the most details about as well. The effects that these experiences have had on her.. I can only hope that my cousins have handled it better and possibly had help handling it. I learned about 2 of my cousins, sisters, sometime during the last year or so. Molested by their own Grandfather. But the biggest suprise came on Wednesday last week when I found out that another of my cousin's former step father is in Jail for feeling up two little girls in a walmart. Tonight I found out for sure that when he was married to my Aunt he did molest my cousin. The pain, anger and frustration running through my veins right now sends an icy chill down my spine. My little cousin, just 2 1/2 years younger than me, she was practically my sister all my life, as early as I can remember.

I just want to scream. Actually I want to do so much more, or have so much more done. There is no justice for such heinous crimes, retribution is not an option. Only Vengeance. Yet, there is no room in our society for such acts. It is so much easier to pretend that these people actually deserve a second chance and are capable of one. Something that is proven to be incredibly reoccuring, even in those considered to have been "rehabilitated". Something that, if left unchecked, will not only scar the victim, but possibly the next several generations that stem from that victim as well.

My heart goes out to those who have suffered through this, not only for the act of it, but for the entire lack of ability to recieve satisfaction in response to it, at least within the boundaries of our society.

Another thing I want to speak about involves my best friend and his recent loss. To summarize, I have known my friend and his family for roughly 17 or 18 years now, his father just passed away at the very young age of 50. I helped him and his sister out this weekend packing and cleaning up thier dad's condo in Lynnwood. It was a rough weekend, they both had the hardest time in his upstairs area because it all just looked as if he had been there the hour before taking a shower and doing laundry right after rolling out of bed.

His father's death has definitaly affected my friend deeply. Through the pain I can see the positive things that are changing in him due to this. Esspecially in the way he views my life with my kids and his opinions of what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. I dont want to go into too much detail about that part at the moment. I would like to focus more on my friend's opinions about the state of our nation and how much more desperate his political views seem since his father's death.

We both agree almost 100% on most political topics that we speak about. But our ways of viewing the answers are what seem to set us apart. My way is to stand up and confront it, while his way is to avoid it and/or run. He would rather run off to another country than believe we could come together and solve our problems here. I know I am not the one standing up and fighting, but I am most certainly not going to be the one that gives up on the idea that was our country. I am not going to be the one that runs. This is a reflection of his inner turmoil and his depressive nature. His beliefs about what should be done, what can be done and his belief is his place in all of it all vary so strangely, and at times, hipocritically. Strangely this weekend it actually sparked a few brief arguments, he has this thing recently where he likes to look down on ways I am doing some things. Like having his hippy wife make costumes and indicate he will never buy a costume from a store because it doesnt make sense to spend $15-$40 on a costume when his wife can make one for $5. The other main argument was about the school system and not sending his kids to school ever because of the problems with the school system. I agree, there are problems, but one of the main problems is since the public school system was implemented parents have offloaded their childrens entire education into the hands of the government. It was never meant to replace home education, just to supplement it. I agree that homeschooling is great and more effective, but it is a luxary in this day and age more than anything. One that is possible only so long as he can manage to stay with his wife.

He is my friend and we share many of the same opinions. Its just our answers that differ. It was not always this way.

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