Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My Birthday

I've got to say, life is much more complicated in person.

How do you really know who your friends are? How do you know who really cares? Do our concepts from books, television and fairy tales ruin our outlook on life?

Everything is shades of grey, I wish it wasn't though. I wish that I could be valiant Prince Phillip fighting for the life and love of the sleeping Princess.

Even love is not what you see in movies. Becoming attracted to and infatuated with someone is the easy part. But loving someone, having them love you..

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
-James A. Baldwin

Can I be that man that you randomly meet at the top of the empire state building? Can I be the Prince that you have never met that is destined to sweep you off your feet? No, life is not so simple. But life can be so Grande.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
-Lao Tzu

As of this moment, I am 27 years old. Im getting divorced, living with my mom, making $9 per hour and alone. But the things I have done, the things I have learned.. I would not trade these things for anything. I have never lived so much as I have in the last year, why? Because I have never fought for my life, for my existence, for my future and my childrens future so vigourously.

Looking back on my life of inaction, there were moments, but nothing has so clearly defined me as this last year has. Nothing has propelled me foreward faster as an individual.

Ladies and Gentleman, Love is on my mind. Yes, the love of a good woman, but also the love I have for my children. I love looking up quotations, and I have already posted a couple above. Here is another quote about love that I apply to this last years battle for my children:

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
-Erich Fromm

All the quotes I have put down so far apply to this. I need my children because I love them and without that love I would not have had the strength and courage to accomplish what I have accomplished. I would not have grown as much as I have grown.

Things can be rough though. How can you know someone truly cares for you? You can't. But know in me that I do not say such things lightly, nor can I take those feelings back despite where life may take us. Take Nicole for instance, I hate this situation were are in, and I lay a lot of bad feelings and blame at her feet, but I still care about her. She is the mother of my children, a place of significance in my life. Part of me will always care about her, part of me will always think about her best interest, albiet after I think of the Childrens.

Some things are not meant to be, but other things are just not ready to happen. Yes, in my heart I feel that I am Prince Phillip, ready to slay the Dragon Sorcerous in order to clear the path to love. But my mind sees the shades of Grey. There is never one true love, but many possabilities.

I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.
I'll make do with what I have in my heart, and struggle through my journey and grow and love and live.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote.

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.

Sir Winston Churchill
British politician (1874 - 1965)

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