Thursday, June 21, 2007

Not Sure

My desire to find my Brother and Sister is genuine, but trusted sources advise that it may not be the best time in my life or theirs. I can definitely see it from that perspective, but at the same time, if I were to wait until they were both adults, I would be nearly 30.

What I am going to do is leave the avenues of communication wide open, I am very easy to find online. I will still look into finding them in the virtual world and will try to reach out to them that way, but to a certain extent they may not be ready to find me. So I will keep my hand extended and in time, perhaps they will extend theirs as well.

I find it very easy for meloncholy to take hold these days, I had never felt quite so much stress before and even now that most of it has dissapated, I find it's effects from the last few months still haunt me. Once at work, before the hearing, it had gotten to me finally in a very real way, I was crying, but I wasn't crying. I could stand right in front of you and talk to you normally, but I had tears rolling down my face, it was like the stress in the days before my victory had put me into a state of shock. Fortunatly things got much better after that.

As sad as I am that the kids are gone, things are really starting to come together. One little victory leads to the next and so on.

Working out is going well, Im not going quite as often as I planned, but I will pick up steam and make it a habit. It feels great to be exercising again.

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