Ok, it's Father's Day today. I have had a really hard week adjusting to the fact that my kids are not with me. I think it will get easier, but part of me feels bad thinking that.
I have a webcam and we are going to try to talk over it today, so hopefully I will 'see' them this afternoon. We are going to try to make it a regular thing. We tested it out with Nicole while the boys were up here, but only for 1 weekend, with the boys leaving, our weekends got so busy visiting people.
While thinking about my boys today I got to thinking about all the family that I do have, but then I started thinking about the family that I don't have. Somewhere out there I have a father, I've been in contact with him only a few times in my life and I would like to get into better contact with him now that I am an adult. When I was a kid, not having a father around was hard, in fact I was just teasing my Mom, My Grandma and My Great Grandma about how much I LOVED being raised by a bunch of ladies (I can be pretty damned sarcastic, it was right after My Mom and My Grandma schooled my Great Grandma and I at a card game).
If my Dad had wanted to be in my life, he would have been, it took me a long time to come to terms with that, and I have been told from multiple sources that they believe my daddy issues are what make me so determined to be the best damned father I can be. I think that is true, and I wouldn't change a thing about my life. But now that I am an adult with a family of my own.. I don't know.
Anyway, the focus of my thoughts on the family that I don't have was really on two people. I have a brother and a sister. No, I have a Brother and a Sister. I want to know them, and I want them to be in my life and me to be in theirs. Wow, I had not thought about it like this yet, but my kids have another Aunt and Uncle. Wow, that blows my mind.
I can't be entirely sure about this, but I think I was 13 when I met my sister and brother, Shawna was 4 I believe and Kyle was only 1. Which I think would make Shawna 17 or 18 now (wow) and Kyle 14 or so. I got into contact with them, and my dad, a couple years ago. I think its safe to say that my life quickly went spinning out of control, but things are calming down now and I want to try again. Maybe this time we can get together in person.
So, if you guys are interested in possibly talking to your older brother, I'm looking for ya :-). Shawna and Kyle, my Sister and Brother.