I dont have too much to say, but just in case I go off on some long winded rant, I wanted to mention that My Super Ex-Girlfriend is hilarious. I just finished watching it, and now I'm going to watch Rudy.
So Christmas is just a few days away. I just don't feel it. Christmas is a special time of year, not just for me but for most Americans. I've always loved Christmas, and this is the first time I haven't felt that magical feeling that comes with every holiday season.
I felt it, for a moment, just the other day. It passed. My kids have learned to sing some Christmas Carols, and I was feeling a little down about Christmas when they suddenly broke into song. It was a great feeling, an amazing feeling.
Family is important. It means so much to me that the kids are here, where I grew up, especially during the Holiday season.
Family is just a word to some people, but it has meaning to me and its important that it holds the same meaning for my children. Thier mother thinks she understands that, but she does not; She couldn't. She just didn't live the same life I lived, she doesnt value the family she has the way I do, and she threw our family away so quickly. She has a new family now, a family no one knows, and I doubt her knew family knows her.
When I first found out she was with someone else, I admit, I fell apart a bit. During the first 2-3 weeks after I found out, I managed to upset most of her family, some of them are still upset with me too. Ive made tremendous steps with the kids though, and I think that even though her family is upset with me, they understand what the boys and I are going through.
Ive lost a lot of heart in the last month though. Doesn't help that it was my busiest month of the year. Im writing this blog, to tell everyone, especially myself, that I am not going to give up. I'll never give up. I love my kids, and Im going to be the best father that they could ever have. Ill give them that feeling of a family that loves and supports them.
Ill give them Christmas, because to me, that symbolizes everything I love about family, friends and togetherness.
I may not feel the magic now, but I will. Ill feel it again, Ill feel everything again. And Ill show my kids how to love and survive.
Your Daddy loves you boys.